i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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