I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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