i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
