He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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