now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
