For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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