Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
