I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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