You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
