Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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