Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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