I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and she was petting her beer can
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
