Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Terrible idea I love it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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