the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
