hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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