mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
