we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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