I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dear god my vagina.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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