Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
