so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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