Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
