I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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