I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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