I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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