I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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