Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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