I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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