Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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