i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
