...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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