I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
