My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
