So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
