Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize