Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
