I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
