Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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