Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We need to rekindle our bromance
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
