nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize