The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
