I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
