12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
