She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
