Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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