just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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