Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
