i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
