Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
