shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
