YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
