Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
