I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
