why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
