If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
