I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
