Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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