yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
