This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
