My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
