This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
