I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
