just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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