There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
