My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
