you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
