What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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