jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The ass gains better be worth it
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