Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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