Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
