I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
