If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
