Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Small penises have feelings too.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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